The lifestyle of a tea drinking, sometimes deep thinking Brit loving living Down Under
Super self indulgent post alert! Here are things I’m currently loving:
To listen to
The Hamilton Original Broadway Cast recording
To watch
American Vandal on Netflix
To read
Grit by Angela Duckworth
To wear
The Lorna Jane On The Go pant
To smell
Gucci Bloom
I do not live a life free from judging people. I make snap assumptions all the time. I have the voice in my head (and too often spoken aloud) that says “I wouldn’t do that”.
What I have learnt about that voice is that everyone has it. We all see other behaviour as just that… “other”. Not the same as us. And things that aren’t the same as our things can take a bit longer to wrap our heads around. Lack of understanding generally leads to lack of empathy.
In a recent conversation I said “I wouldn’t do that…” and the person I was talking to said “that’s ok because we’re not discussing you”.
I’m now trying to take that extra second to change my “I wouldn’t do that” to “I wouldn’t do that and that’s ok because this isn’t about me”.
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The flip side of this is realising and recognising that other people’s judgements of you do not matter. You’re never going to please everyone.
To paraphrase Elbert Hubbard: “To escape criticism: Do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.”
You’ll be judged for being too fearful but also too fearless. You’ll be judged for jumping in at the deep end but also for wading in cautiously. For leaving a steady career and taking a business risk, but also for playing it too safe and not just quitting if you don’t like your job.
You’ll be judged for turning down the potential job of your life to follow love.
You’ll be judged for walking away from the potential love of your life to follow a dream job.
For eating too much cake. For eating too much kale.
Mothers, you’ll be judged for natural birth without medical aid, you’ll be judged if you get an epidural, a c-section, gaining baby weight, losing baby weight too fast, formula feeding, breastfeeding, letting them cry it out, for spoiling them. For going back to work and for not going back to work. Seriously you’re just gonna get judged left, right and centre. You may as well enjoy it.
Fathers, don’t worry, you won’t get left out. You’ll be judged for not setting an example of a man who provides for his family, but also for working too much and losing sight of what’s really important; for being too tough on them, for being too soft.
People without kids, you get to navigate the judgement minefield too. Perhaps you don’t want them, perhaps you do but can’t. Don’t worry, you’ll get judged for both of those, even if the factors at play are out of your control. Sometimes especially if they’re out of your control.
You’ll be judged for not wanting to get married, but also for wanting to. For taking your husband’s name. For taking your wife’s name. For keeping your own. For making one up.
In society at the moment it seems you get all sorts of judgement for keeping quiet and minding your own business, but also for talking too loudly and getting involved in things that don’t concern you.
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None of this is new wisdom. You’ve heard it all before. I’m not professing to be a revolutionary with this. I only write this to say: please don’t sit on the fence, too scared worrying about what “they” think to start doing what you truly think is the best decision for you.
Actually, even if you’re not sure, don’t let the fear of the disapproving looks of others stop you from at least giving whatever it is your full consideration.
I feel like this post has been a long time coming, both in terms of actually sitting down to write and also in the content itself.
I’m going to write about Caesarean sections. “Oh no” you cry, “not another mummy blog post about c-sections, we get it!”
Well, you may get it. But based on some recent observations, enough other people out there don’t and I really feel I need to express my thoughts on this matter. As I say, it’s been a long time coming. 18 months to be exact.
So I want to talk about c-sections. I want to talk about pity. I want to talk about unfulfilled expectations. I want to talk about fear. I want to talk about disappointment.
When I hear that a women who experienced a vaginal delivery pities one who hasn’t, I’m ok with that. I really feel that most of the time that projection says more about the way that woman feels about herself and how she wants to be perceived by others.
What I find harder to stomach is the implication by society as a whole that you have failed as a “mother” from the get go. Never mind the fact that you grew this little human for 9 months, if you didn’t push it out, and didn’t feel the connection to women and mothers who have done this throughout millennia… can you really count yourself among that exclusive group?
Now, I don’t know about you, but the biggest thing I’ve learnt about parenting is sacrifice. Doing what you need to to keep your child safe. Sacrificing your own wants and needs for this tiny thing that needs your love, your help, your time, your energy is what it’s all about. Was I willing to put my pride in proving that I was A WOMAN and MOTHER above the safety of my child? Absolutely not. Did my ego have to take a back seat? Yes. 100%. And it won’t be the last time it has had to do so in this parenting journey. I didn’t worry about not bonding with my child because I hadn’t pushed him out of me, I knew I’d already been a parent by making the choice that was best for him. I was so scared that he wasn’t going to be ok, I didn’t care what I needed to do to make him safe.
I went from utter fear and exhaustion to acceptance and relief in an instant.
I have never known such a sense of relief washing over me as when the delivery was taken out of my hands. The words from my obstetrician that she “didn’t want to be a hero” just for the sake of giving me my planned vaginal delivery. She just wanted it to be a safe one.
But that brings me onto the hardest part for me to wrap my head around. The shame that came with that relief. Not at the time, but afterwards.
I’m strong. I pride myself on it. I’ve got broad shoulders and wide hips. My body can do what I want it to if I put my mind to it. And my body failed me.
That aspect of having a c-section has been harder for me than any other. I said that my ego had to take a back seat, but I didn’t say I liked putting it there. I spent just the first few months saying I had made peace with my delivery, but I didn’t believe it. It took a long time for me to have faith in my body again. How ridiculous! My body, which safely housed my little man for 9 months, and fed him afterwards, felt like it had let me down because of what happened on a single day.
The need for me to get fit and strong again after pregnancy was so much more than I thought it would be. The need to be able to run faster, lift heavier, swim further stemmed from the need to feel like my body can do great things. My post-baby #bodygoals have not been about fitting into a pair of jeans again, they have been about beating pre-pregnancy PBs. I thought I would want to get pregnant again straight away but I have realised I need to relearn what my body is capable of, outside of its ability to grow a baby.
So finally, the conversation always rolls around to ‘next time’ and VBAC. I felt very obliged early on to say that of course I’d love to try for a vaginal delivery next time because “if at first you don’t succeed” and “you came so close last time!” But then I met with my obstetrician and she gave me facts and statistics. I love facts. And I love making my decisions using them. So now I proudly say that if/when (let’s face it, none of it is a given) baby number two comes along I will be having an elective c-section. And I’ve truly made peace with that now, even if some might pity me for it.
Before I get stuck into my list I want you to know that I am not some sort of Earth-mother-eco-warrior, I just don’t like the amount of single use items (mostly made of plastic) that get thrown away everyday. I have made some small changes to the way I live and the products I choose to try and make a small dent in the amount of waste we generate. If you’re interested in doing the same read on…
1. Drinks on the go
I bloody love a takeaway coffee. When I plan on going to a new place for a walk, a significant factor is always whether there’s a good cafe nearby for me to try. When I noticed this was becoming an almost daily habit I decided to invest in a reusable cup to take with me. I have a glass KeepCup and I love it.
I have walked away from one cafe that said they didn’t allow customers to bring in their own cups (but after emailing the manager I was told they were ok with me ordering a “to stay” coffee then transferring it myself) but most places are really accomodating and some even do discounts for customers that use reusable cups.
I also carry a water bottle everywhere. I have quite a collection but my favourite for day to day is this smallish one from Macpac because it fits in a handbag.
My newest investment is a stainless steel drinking straw. Plastic drinks straws are in the top 10 most washed up items on beaches causing things like this so I decided to try and curb the habit. In case you’re thinking that a reusable straw sounds a bit unhygienic, you can get little brushes to clean them out.
2. Shopping bags
I know everyone in the UK will be familiar with the idea of taking your own bags to the supermarket after the introduction of charging for plastic bags in 2015. I think this is a fantastic initiative and apparently it is working, with the number of plastic bags being used dropping significantly. I hope they introduce it in Australia. I am a huge fan of keeping a simple canvas tote bag (I have a canvas bag full of canvas bags) and I use the sturdier “bags for life” whenever I go to the supermarket. I always try to return them to the car as soon as I’ve unpacked the shopping so there’s no excuse.
So now I’m trying to reduce the amount of plastic I use during the actual shopping process and have started using these reusable produce bags from ChicoBag.
3. Reusable nappies
This will be irrelevant to anyone who doesn’t have a baby so I will just direct you to my earlier post if you want to read about how and why I use reusable nappies (my favourite brand is Hippybottomus in case you’re wondering)
4. Toilet paper
Wait, what? Reusable toilet paper?! Don’t worry, I definitely get rid of my toilet paper but I get it from Who Gives A Crap, which is another company doing great things. You get it delivered to your door as frequently as you like, it is made from recycled materials, it is wrapped in paper not plastic and the company donates money to WaterAid. Amazing. It is not the most luxurious of toilet papers but it is by no means bad. It’s available in Australia, the UK and USA.
5. Sanitary products
Ok, so if you thought the toilet paper was bad, you may want to stop reading now. This one goes out to all the ladies.
My latest discovery is Thinx knickers (there are a few other brands that seem to be equally as good) who have reimagined the way we deal with our periods. I’ll let their website do the talking but I’m a fan, as are Mila Kunis and Mindy Kaling so you know you’re in good company if you follow this one up.
Thinx is another company that gives back and they have set up a foundation to support girls and women in the developing world so they can access menstrual products and safe spaces to learn and talk about their bodies, health, safety and finance.
Listen to Miki Agrawal, the Thinx founder on The Freakonomics Radio podcast.
So that’s my five ways to try and reduce your single use item waste, what other ones are there that I’ve missed?
The Earth as viewed by Astrobarbie 